Fifty Shades Darker first trailer: sexy, interesting or a giant nope?

Months after Fifty Shades of Grey was released, I finally watched it (on HBO). It was… not good. I mean, the movie was better than I was expecting, mostly because Dakota Johnson really was trying to bring some life to a character who was totally awful in the book. But it still wasn’t a good movie. For work purposes and for research purposes, I did read the full Fifty Shades “trilogy,” although I still haven’t read Grey, which is just Fifty Shades told through Christian Grey’s perspective. What I’m saying is that I know what happens in the sequel movies. I have all the answers. And I will tell you the plot if you’re interested, because I care about you and I don’t want you to waste your money on watching mediocre sex between two limp, tepid bowls of oatmeal. What kills me is that Jamie Dornan is absolutely disturbingly creepy-sexy in The Fall. I KNOW HE CAN ACT. I even know he can bring some brutal, chilling, predator-hotness to a role. So why doesn’t he bring any of that to Christian Grey? I don’t know. All that being said, Jamie does look a bit more lively in the first trailer for Fifty Shades Darker. Dakota and Jamie might even NOT hate each other in some of these scenes.

Nice, non-spoilery stuff: Dakota’s hair/wig work is better. That suits the character too – in the books, she starts caring more about clothes, styling and hair when she gets back with Christian. And you know what? I actually enjoy the fact that we get to see Kim Basinger’s character for a moment, and hear her voice at the very end. Her character is awful, but I’m looking forward to seeing what Basinger brings to the show. I’ll also say that Jamie seems like he’s more comfortable in the role this time around, but who knows?

Mucho spoilers ahead: so, do you want me to save you some money? Christian and Ana get back together really quickly in the second book. Within the timeline of the book, they get back together, like, within a week. And by the end of the book – over the course of something like two months, if that – they get engaged. Most of the drama comes from Basinger’s character, Elena, who was Christian’s first BDSM relationship when he was just a teenager. Elena makes it her mission to say and do cruel things to Ana, because Bechdel Test be damned and why have two female characters in the same scene if they aren’t going to act petty over a dude? There’s also a lot of drama with the Jack Hyde character, who is Ana’s boss and becomes Christian’s nemesis. Hyde is played by Eric Johnson (not Jessica Simpson’s husband). Jack Hyde tries to kill Christian… for reasons. Stupid, stupid reasons. The shadowy, menacing dark-haired woman that Ana keeps seeing is one of Christian’s ex-lovers and she’s gone crazy, and she’s stalking Christian and Ana. And here’s the biggest spoiler of all: Ana gets accidentally pregnant. I forget if that happens in the second or third book. Christian isn’t happy about it at all.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, Universal.

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